In clinical terms, we often work on:

• Negative Self-Schema: Deeply held, often unconscious, core beliefs about yourself (e.g., “I am unlovable,” “I am incompetent”) that act as a filter for all your experiences.
• Performance-Based Self-Worth: Basing your entire sense of value on your achievements, productivity, and ability to meet extremely high standards, leading to chronic stress and burnout.
• Cognitive Distortions: Patterned errors in thinking, like all-or-nothing thinking, mental filtering (focusing only on the negative), and disqualifying the positive.
• External Locus of Self-Worth: Basing your value on external factors like achievement, approval, or appearance, rather than an internal sense of self.

How We Deal With It in Therapy Together

My approach is compassionate and evidence-based. We will work to quiet your inner critic and build a foundation of genuine self-acceptance.

• Cognitive Restructuring (CBT): Identifying and challenging the critical inner voice and the distorted thoughts that fuel low self-esteem.
• Schema Therapy: Gently exploring the origins of these negative core beliefs (often from past experiences) and working to heal and change them.
• Self-Compassion Practices: Actively learning to treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and support you would offer a good friend.
• Values-Based Living (ACT): Connecting with your authentic values and taking actions that align with them, which inherently builds self-respect and confidence.
• Behavioral Experiments: Gently testing out new behaviors (e.g., setting a boundary, speaking up in a meeting) to gather real-world evidence that contradicts your negative self-beliefs.

A Little Something to Help You Now: The “And” Statement

When your inner critic attacks, try to counter it with an “and” statement that acknowledges reality without judgment. This helps build self-compassion.

• Instead of: “I completely messed up that presentation. I’m terrible at this.”
• Try: “I stumbled on a few slides in that presentation, and I prepared thoroughly and conveyed the main message. I am learning and growing.”
• This simple linguistic trick stops the spiral of negative self-talk and allows for a more balanced, kinder perspective.
• Your worth is not up for debate. Let’s work together to build the self-esteem that allows you to step fully into your life.